your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
