don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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