Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize