I don't think brook has ever known best
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
