two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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