if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
