Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
