Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
