god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
