watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
you didnt know i had herpes?
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
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