Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
