Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My bed smells like the plague
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
