so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
