On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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