next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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