he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
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