How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Vodka?
Forever.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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