one might say we're banned from that church
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
