Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Randomize
