I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
