i'm signing you up for texting rehab
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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