I must be too annoying 4 u.
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
