I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
