forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
