I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
