honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
