so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
