Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
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I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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