We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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