I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize