Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
