Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
