i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
