Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
