Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
