I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Where is the hickey?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
