I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
