You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
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