If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize