my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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