at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
