we're blogging at a bar
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Randomize
