I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
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every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
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I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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