Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
