These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
