i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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