Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
home. puking in laundry basket.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Randomize
