She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
