so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
