If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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