why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
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