You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
