I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
