its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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