did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
