there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
