hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i think my cat just said my name.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
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