After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
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She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
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That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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