The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
