He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm just crazy horny about you
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
