What did we do last night that was yellow?
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Randomize
