I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
