I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Damn victory sex feels great
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