Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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