I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
