Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I bet he comes in French.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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