being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
