just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
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