My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Less talking, more tequila
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
