Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
