tequila makes me forget i have legs
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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