I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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