watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
