I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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