yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
